Last month I was walking home alone at 3am after a night out with friends when a man proceeded to shout ‘beautiful’ at me from afar. As a woman, I have become accustomed to catcalling and misogynistic remarks on a regular basis so I did what I do best which meant ignoring it and consequently recoiled into an anxious bubble, walking faster towards my flat. Five seconds later he shouted at me again: ‘say thank you bitch.’
The problem with this, and many other similar situations, is the said ‘man’ genuinely thought he was paying me a compliment. I know I’m beautiful – I don’t need a stranger in the street to indicate this. And the thought that men will continue to harass women, whether it be via a wolf whistle, a beep of a horn, a belittling comment or a misogynistic remark, such as my own example, without facing any consequences is genuinely worrying. Why should us women appreciate a comment from a stranger which has little or no meaning? To put it simply, we shouldn’t.
As feminists, us Dicktectives will continue to support feminism, demand equal rights and kick-down any individual who thinks it’s OK to shout demeaning comments regarding one’s gender. Today’s post, however, will question something which has perplexed me for a while: why do I love misogynistic roleplay?
BDSM is becoming increasingly popular within the sex lives of young people. Either that or more people are open to talk about their love for a spank or two. As a woman who prefers to be submissive during sex, my willingness to be dominated comes natural to me. Call me names, tell me what to do, pull my hair, spank me, slap me, spit on me, let me call you daddy. And like many other women who prefer to be dominated these actions are simply part of the misogynistic roleplay we call submissive sex.
Being a submissive person in bed, however, does not mean I am seeking a ‘master/daddy/dom’ type you might see when thumb-flicking through Tinder. I’ve been with men who are happy to dominate me in bed who don’t identify as a ‘dom’, they simply like to please their partner as most sane humans do. Knowing full well your partner is not a misogynist is one point worth considering when deciding whether to engage in sexual intercourse with them. Obviously.
Of course, I’m fully aware my partner doesn’t genuinely think I’m a bitch. So why do I beg for it when I know misogyny is downright disgusting? After researching, A.K.A. googling, ‘why do I like to be dominated?’ I discovered various theories as to why women like being treated a certain way in the bedroom. One theory suggested fantasies of submission are ultimately the wish to appear sexually desirable, which, to me, seems plausible. One comment from a Reddit user said ‘It’s not ‘I like being slapped and pushed against a wall because I feel worthless’, it’s exactly the opposite. It makes us feel like we are worth everything.’ So, does this mean preferring to be submissive in bed means we’re insecure? We think not.
After conducting a survey which compared women’s confidence (insecure/secure) with their sexual preferences (dominant/submissive), Dick Journals discovered over 45% of 68 female participants were both ‘secure and submissive’ which was over double that of the ‘insecure and submissive’. Either way, it is apparent women enjoy being dominated. The common misconception, however, is that submissive women are anti-feminist because they’re taking on a ‘weaker’ role. Bollocks to that.
Without an initial discussion about my preferences no man has ever tried to dominate me in the bedroom. Sexuality is empowering no matter how you prefer to act out and neither roles make you anti-feminist. Let’s also not forget that many of us like to switch it up in the bedroom. One day you could be getting spanked, and the next you’re the spankee. Different strokes for different folks.
Why do I love misogynistic roleplay? Because it makes me wet. Simple.