O M 34 G

You’re out and after your third (ok…seventh) drink you start to eye up the bar and thank Rupaul Charles there’s a hot guy. Time to pounce.

You’re in there – congrats – you’ve managed to hook the most attractive man in the bar. Naturally, you go to re-apply your ruby woo lipstick and then suddenly think SHIT! I’ve got a terrible bra on. Now, most women could just take it off, place it in their bag and pretend they weren’t wearing one. That’s incredibly sexy and i’m incredibly jealous.

I, however, have to wear a bra during sex. Unless the guy I’m sleeping with happens to have huge… hands. And if I’m honest most of them actually do. Huge hands and large breasts are the perfect pairing… like wine and cheese or café patron tequila and my mouth.  This pairing allows you to build up a huge momentum and apply such-force that could cause you to break a bed, or two beds, a sofa bed and a rib (crackin’)…

This irrational bra-fear means that I feel I have to wear nice underwear most of the time. But the bra also needs to be functional – it essentially works like scaffolding – how sexy am I?

Do you remember being younger and bra shopping with your mother who would get you to jump up and down? Actually, maybe no-one else had to do that because you weren’t 14 with size a 32 D chest?! Well I do that every time to gauge the breast-bra ratio.

So here we go- introducing the March sex-bra edit…

The Scantilly Feline Leopard Padded Balcony Bra

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Scantilly Feline Bra

This bra is pretty sexy, I mean, who doesn’t want to drape their tits and genitals in leopard print? I kind of felt like Shania Twain in this (amazing). However, the girls were not completely strapped in during rougher parts of the shag which is great if the person you’re sleeping with is into the whole nip-slip scenario… but to be fair who isn’t?

The Dentelle Lace Non Padded Balcony Bra

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Dentelle Lace Non Padded Balcony Bra

This bra is a safe one to go for if you’re really going at it.  It literally doesn’t move. Your tattas will remain poised and upright during all sorts of positions, even when you’ve slept with someone you shouldn’t so you end up resorting to doggy style so you don’t have to look at their face. This comes highly recommended.

Tamara Bra by Lepel

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This bra feels a lot like a strapless bra with straps. It makes your tits look absolutely massive so it’s great if you want to look slimmer. It also looks like a ‘normal’ and  ‘fashionable’ bra due to the extra straps. Movement wise – it allows for a lot, your tits won’t fall out and it’s essentially like really sturdy sexy scaffolding.

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WITH LOVE DICKTECTIVE #2  X

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